This week, yet more of my students have abandoned their English lessons in favour of sunning themselves in a part of the world where it rains less frequently and where they can go one whole day without being feasted upon by ravenous insects. I am having, what one could easily call, a holiday. Yes, 6 months of living in a plush apartment in the Dallas of Siberia, teaching the locals the wonders of the English Language, that's what will be going on my CV, but I what I won't mention is that what I've spent the majority of my time actually doing is reading (English translations of) Russian literature, and Lord of the Rings (in the original English – not translated from the Russian, although that would be interesting), listening to an unhealthy amount of Morrissey, and sitting in an armchair pondering on life, the universe and, well, everything (when in Russia, they do advise, you should do as the Russians do, which I have done with fervour). So, as my time here is reaching it's concluding month I am happy at the thought of putting all these daft musings to the back of my mind and resuming my mindless existence of 9-5 and binge drinking! Haha, I jest of course.

Actually, this is my point: the old proverbs are true, and the proverb I refer to now is, 'you can take the (insert nationality) – man out of (insert country) but you can't take (insert country) out of a (insert country) – man.' Er, I hope I got that correct, but I'm sure you are familiar with the one I speak of. It is true you know, and I have proof, oh yes I do... hear my anecdote and you will see that the old proverb does speak wisdom after all. It's not long and I'll try and make it as entertaining as possible (however it involves Russian people so beware, there may be over-emotional language that some of you find embarrassing)....

There is a bright spark in our school who had the idea to start an English Club, you know, us being an English school and all, and us having me, who's British, to recite tales of old Albion, to bring enlightenment and culture to where there once was none, all accompanied by tea and biscuits!... or, at the Russian's suggestion, we could watch Groundhog Day and practise our English by way of amateur philosophy and, in true Russian style, talking about us us, glorious US! You see I tried to explain to my Russian colleagues that British folks just don't talk about emotions, feelings or any of that stuff and nonsense. If one is to capture the essence of the British through an English Club then one must act in accordance with the cultural rules, yes? Unlike our Russian friends, the Brits don't like to talk about themselves and they don't particularly like it when other people talk about themselves either, unless they're all drunk, in which case they can then pretend that they can't remember any of the conversation the next day if indeed they do remember it at all. Instead we talk about the weather and about traffic jams on the A6, about the poor bus service and maybe at a push, if we're speaking with a close friend, we'll talk about politics, briefly. So here I am, in an English club in Russia, discussing whether anyone has ever had deja-vu (remember we've just watched that philosophical masterpiece Groundhog Day – by their own admittance, a Russian will find meaning in a three day old tea stain) and asking have people found their perfect love, and what is perfect love anyway (that old one – it seems that not a day goes by without this question floating around somewhere). I hide in the corner hoping that they will be so engrossed in their own details that they will forget me, but when all heads at once turn to me for the 'foreign' response (remember, I'm representing all of us) all I can say is 'love is a concept', misquoting John Lennon slightly, but it seems to do the trick.

(Please note: the end of my tale is a lie; in fact the English club hasn't taken place yet and is due to do so on Friday, I'm just predicting what will happen).

So here we have a typical scenario, one which I am faced with constantly in my unfamiliar temporary home. In order to survive in a foreign place you have to comply with your hosts at all times, even when they desire to gain an insight into your own culture, it must be done in the safe environs of a setting which makes them feel at ease. And no amount of coaxing will break them of this habit, after 6 months of trying to get them to trust me, they still have to confirm everything I say by looking in a dictionary.