I am a girl, duty-bound to these Russian hosts of mine, and I have been fulfilling all duties, the most important of these being to bring to them the joys and wonders of the English words that I have accumulated in my vastly expanding knowledge based brain.... errrr, no comments from the phantom grammar corrector please, yes, that's you Mother.... So, here I am, a girl with a mission. It's just me, The English Language and a pocket Russian-English dictionary against the world!!
First on my list of duties was to help young Vova, my Russian son/brother (his mother is only 5 years older than me but women have such a motherly nature here!), let's call him Cousin Vova to spare any confusion... ok so Cousin Vova has a PSP which he loves more than life itself. It's the perfect accessory for any 7 year old boy and I'm happy to see him playing with it because when he does, that means he's too occupied to find alternative amusement in hitting me and throwing balls in my direction (he doesn't throw a good ball if you get my meaning) all of which he does with the utmost affection and in fact gets great delight when I shout 'OW' because he thinks that's me having fun.... anyway, the PSP brings joy to his life AND he gets to learn English while he plays as there doesn't seem to be a Russian option on the menu (no wonder they think the world's against them)..... so he comes to me and asks me what wonderful words such as 'convicts' and 'vixen'(he struggled to pronounce that one, but I soon sorted that out), to which I tell him in my best worldly-wise voice 'ahhh, that's a lady. A beautiful lady'. Although there's a picture and he can clearly see it's a lady alright, but not a reputable one.
Second on my list of ever-increasing duties, was to represent to Russia and it's mother the sheer brilliance of Business English (!!)....... Searching through my least-favourite-of-all Business English text book I stumbled across an article that epitomises all that is WRONG with this way of talking like you know everything but in actual fact you know nothing (that's the foundation of Business English). This article says to me that only 7 percent of communication is words, 55 percent is tone of voice and 38 percent is body language.... Who makes up these percentages and then puts them in a report and gets the gullibles of the world to believe it? This particular case of words losing all their meaning over the preference for sheer intuition suits the Russians who seem to have their very own way of interpreting things you say to them, Example:
Russian Woman: You like a Russian boyfriend?
ME: I've got a boyfriend in England thanks
Russian Woman: We get you a Russian boyfriend!
Russian Woman: You like more Blini?
Me: Oh, no thanks I'm really full. Couldn't eat another raisin.
Russian Woman: (summoning the waitress) More Blini for the foreigner!
Although I'm sure on both of these occasions my body language would have been totally reflecting my words. I had been what can only be described as kidnapped and force fed huge amounts of Russian cuisine and bombarded by inane questions about England (sometimes it's hard to distinguish between hospitality and torture in this country).
I haven't actually shown outwardly my hatred of BE, because a) I have to teach it, and b) nobody would listen anyway (here in Russia they seem to be embracing all aspects of armchair psychology and self help that has shipped it's way over from the fair shores of America, the rejects from a nation where it's so ingrained into the minds of citizens that they no longer need books to learn from; and in fact that piece of information about words and body language has already been regurgitated back to me this week by my Russian manager).
Sorry for the lack of writing over the past few days, the computer here in the office is slightly temperamental, or doesn't like foreigners or something!
First on my list of duties was to help young Vova, my Russian son/brother (his mother is only 5 years older than me but women have such a motherly nature here!), let's call him Cousin Vova to spare any confusion... ok so Cousin Vova has a PSP which he loves more than life itself. It's the perfect accessory for any 7 year old boy and I'm happy to see him playing with it because when he does, that means he's too occupied to find alternative amusement in hitting me and throwing balls in my direction (he doesn't throw a good ball if you get my meaning) all of which he does with the utmost affection and in fact gets great delight when I shout 'OW' because he thinks that's me having fun.... anyway, the PSP brings joy to his life AND he gets to learn English while he plays as there doesn't seem to be a Russian option on the menu (no wonder they think the world's against them)..... so he comes to me and asks me what wonderful words such as 'convicts' and 'vixen'(he struggled to pronounce that one, but I soon sorted that out), to which I tell him in my best worldly-wise voice 'ahhh, that's a lady. A beautiful lady'. Although there's a picture and he can clearly see it's a lady alright, but not a reputable one.
Second on my list of ever-increasing duties, was to represent to Russia and it's mother the sheer brilliance of Business English (!!)....... Searching through my least-favourite-of-all Business English text book I stumbled across an article that epitomises all that is WRONG with this way of talking like you know everything but in actual fact you know nothing (that's the foundation of Business English). This article says to me that only 7 percent of communication is words, 55 percent is tone of voice and 38 percent is body language.... Who makes up these percentages and then puts them in a report and gets the gullibles of the world to believe it? This particular case of words losing all their meaning over the preference for sheer intuition suits the Russians who seem to have their very own way of interpreting things you say to them, Example:
Russian Woman: You like a Russian boyfriend?
ME: I've got a boyfriend in England thanks
Russian Woman: We get you a Russian boyfriend!
Russian Woman: You like more Blini?
Me: Oh, no thanks I'm really full. Couldn't eat another raisin.
Russian Woman: (summoning the waitress) More Blini for the foreigner!
Although I'm sure on both of these occasions my body language would have been totally reflecting my words. I had been what can only be described as kidnapped and force fed huge amounts of Russian cuisine and bombarded by inane questions about England (sometimes it's hard to distinguish between hospitality and torture in this country).
I haven't actually shown outwardly my hatred of BE, because a) I have to teach it, and b) nobody would listen anyway (here in Russia they seem to be embracing all aspects of armchair psychology and self help that has shipped it's way over from the fair shores of America, the rejects from a nation where it's so ingrained into the minds of citizens that they no longer need books to learn from; and in fact that piece of information about words and body language has already been regurgitated back to me this week by my Russian manager).
Sorry for the lack of writing over the past few days, the computer here in the office is slightly temperamental, or doesn't like foreigners or something!
posted by Girl Least Likely To at 5:08 PM
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